Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
