Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
