Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
