God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize