Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
