i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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