I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
