he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
