I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
