I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
