Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
