i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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