you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
