Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize