I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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