i just wanna soil my oats bro
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
