just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
