i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
