Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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