I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
