After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
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