Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
