So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
