ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
