Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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