I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
