I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
