i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
