this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize