I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
