Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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