She said her name was "party"
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
