I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
