Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to sanitize my soul.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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