Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
