her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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