Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
