Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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