If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
