Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
