My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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