The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
