We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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