The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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