i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I checked into jail on foursquare
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
