Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
