Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
