I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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