Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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