Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
