He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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