No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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