highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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