That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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