Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
