woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
