My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
