Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
