lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
