you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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