I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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