so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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