Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
