If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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