I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
