Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
