There is no way he is gay with that hair.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
