Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
