never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
