Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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(206): View more from Washington

A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings

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(214): View more from Texas

I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.

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(914): View more from New York

We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.

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(760): View more from California

I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!

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(845): View more from New York

Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.

(1-845): View more from New York

thanks for thinking of me.

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