is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
