Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize