i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
