im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
