someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
