I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
