I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
