went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
