You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
