If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
