don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
