omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize