He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the room spins SO much faster in panama
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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