Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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