Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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