Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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