While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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