Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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