Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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