atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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