DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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