She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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