im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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