This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
