Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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