Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
