I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
