Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
