yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
